Still working out kinks -shakes fist-

*

I had a conversation that’s placed me in a very displaced mood and mind set. I’m not sure how to respond to the idea that I’m no longer in a relationship, or the possibility that I’ve hurt a boy that I’ve been involved with. There’s not much to say on it…I feel like I should feel devastated but I only feel guilty. Simon says I feel what I feel and that I shouldn’t lie to myself in thinking that I need to feel bad. I suppose it’s a misconception that’s just become part of society but I still feel like I ought to.

So I’m single now. There’s a sense of liberty that I feel now that I missed having but was fine not having and now that I have it, I’m not sure I want it. But what’s done is done, right? Wow that sounds a lot more confusing than it should.

I couldn’t sleep afterwards, I talked to Simon and made Devin call me.

I feel so guilty. I couldn’t answer anything that he asked me. I could only say I don’t know, I’m not sure, I think so. It was never a certain absolute answer, there were always possibilities of doubt to be in each one. -sighs

I feel like I’m making this bigger than I should but when I look back on the last eleven months, or the fact that this has been my first actual relationship to last over a month. I can’t help but wonder.

I hope I’m not subconsciously suppressing emotions.

Oddly enough, the moment I went back to the computer after the conversation to get devin to call me, two guys im’d me as well. Is that like some freaky sign? It’s probably just a coincidence and I’m making this seem like a bigger deal.

*

I didn’t fail my goal of taking photographs, I didn’t pass either. I have one set, I call it DESK. But I’m not sure when I’ll edit them. Meh.