There are points in your life when you receive, and I believe I’m quoting Maya Angelou right, a “lifeline.” A person or thing that comes at the right time in your life that’s been tempest-tossed. And it takes a while to realize that ‘it’ is a lifeline, but when you do there’s a sense of gratitude and appreciation. What I mean to say from all of this is that I’ve received, within the last week and a half, several linelines and they left my speechless up until now.

I want to thank everyone who has commented, e-mailed or messaged me these last few days. The few people that actually paid attention to me and gave up a moment of their time to talk to me, console me and given me perhaps pieces of advice that I needed to have reiterated. I can’t explain how foolish, naive and stupid I’ve felt these last few days because of this entire “revolution” occuring with me. It’s even caused a major unbalance within me hormonally, I feel my acne breaking out now and it’s rather disgusting. I hope I’m still attractive, and isn’t that just vain sounding? Haha.

A boy that doesn’t go to my school and isn’t even within my grade asked me if he could take me to my prom. I thought it was touching and showed a lot of effort and want since it was asked on a card sent all the way from Japan. But I feel bad, because for the first time I was able to come up with a solid answer without flowering it. I don’t think I want to go to prom with you, Brandon, and I’m sorry about that. And I’m more sorry from how proud and happy I felt when I was able to say it without going into a crisis, it was a moment that made me take a step back and say, “I can really do this.”

You’re (different person) going to say I’m off again, flaunting myself and not being careful. Carelessly spiraling into another affair of the heart but I’d like to think that I’m not. I have been watching myself carefully when I interpret things, and even if the interpretation is what I expected, I force myself to remain calm and docile. To believe that it’s just another average thing, but I can’t help it if I’ve been happy lately. But it’s nice to not agonize whether or not I’m making a mistake or if I’m going to end up in another disappointment.

I’ve come to realize that I get infatuated quite easily, and it’s only because I overanalyze and overinterpret the action of another. So if I stop doing both, then it’s not so much an infatuation anymore…right? What it is exactly, I’m not going to bother with because that requires more thought than needed.

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I recently started talking to Jordan again, not sure if I ever mentioned him but I met him at Manitoba’s. A bar I went to in celebration of Bob’s, a room mate of Tristian’s, birthday. It was entertaining and fun. In any case we’ve been sharing a lot of music and tales, and I’ve been entertained haha. I’ve come to realize how heavily influenced my music is…

…Tyler’s music floods the majority of my songs, then there are OSTs from animes and movies, then Daniel’s music, and now it seems like it’ll be Jordan’s. Isn’t that entertaining? Well, it is to me anyway.

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So today’s the National Get High Day, or as people like to call it. 4/20 Day. I’m not sure what I’ll do today, there’s several options. I’d like to go into the city but there’s not much to do there, and chances are I’ll end up at Jonny’s cooking food for a group of pot heads. Nice?

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EDIT:

If They Took Her Away, posted 4 / 22 / 07

If God or whatever controls life and death, takes my mother from me. I don’t know what I’d do.

My mother -might- have breast cancer, and even though that doesn’t like a big thing and I look like I’m overexaggerating it.

FUCK OFF.

It’s my mother and I love her dearly, so I hope it isn’t breast cancer. I hope it isn’t.