So I’m sitting here in my newly decorated / furnished dorm room and it’s 3 o’clock in the morning. I just came back from sitting outside my building with my suite mate Josh, while he played his bass, just talking and looking at other people. I’m a tad bit disappointed because I wanted to go and have a word with some people but either I lacked the courage or there wasn’t an exact moment to do so. And the more I think on it, the less I want to talk to them- perhaps it’s because I feel like I’ve greeted them before and said my bit, and practically placed the ball in their court.

Getting too analytical at that. Ops? I absolutely love college. It’s been almost everything that I imagined. I can’t say there hasn’t been anything that’s made me quite upset or disappointed. I’ve made so far, about 20-30 new friends, which isn’t exactly what I wanted. I was expecting perhaps 100-400 new friends, guess I aimed too high. And yes, I know why it isn’t as high as I wanted, I didn’t go to the parties but there are several factors blocking me from doing so: ( a ) 18+ parties and I am not legally 18, ( b ) I have no I.D., ( c ) I don’t want to have to waste money to meet people.

I think that’s fair.

I am dumbfounded and amazed by others. Not because they perform such amazing feats and not because they are completely and utterly ridiculous, but just because. I feel that I’ve been placed in a very high school situation and being confronted with it, I have two reactions. The first is to treat it like I would normally, and give it my all to help solve the situation- and that’s what I am doing currently. The other is to be a bitch and do some tough love / physical smacking. I can’t ever see myself doing the later, if only because that’s ridiculous and so not me. But having those thoughts have brewed a new fear: What if I do become that bitch?

I strongly do not want to become one.